I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
