my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
