tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
