Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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