I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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