We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize