You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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