there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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