Pappa wants mamma naked
Where did you get a picture of my penis
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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