All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
