Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
