Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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