perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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