I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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