She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
