you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize