guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
