just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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