There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
