so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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