i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
