I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
