i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
