You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
