There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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