Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
