Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
