Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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