ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
