he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Found your dick twin last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
