The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
