I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
