I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
