Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
