So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
