Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
