I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
