You can't motorboat a personality
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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