Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize