sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
