k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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