Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish my penis had a tongue
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
