Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
