Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
