Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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