a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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