Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
