Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
