Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
