sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
