is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
