i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
