sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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