are you still at the devil's house?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
