College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My balls are so social today.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize
