if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
