smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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