I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize