Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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