I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
