Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
