Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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