Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
