i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this just has baby written all over it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
