hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
