Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
