I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Let's get the cat blown out
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
