I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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