I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The maid of honor just puked.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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