I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
