the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
