dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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