I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
