Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize