I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
