what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
