I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
