I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
