I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
