He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
please don't ironically join a cult
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