i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And then he peed in my hair
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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