I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
