I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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