Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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