ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
